At 1st I wondered why Daley wasn't fixing the potholes and taking care of basic city services, but then I realized that this played into his plan for the Olympics. Specifically, Daley will inaugurate several new competitions:
1. Pole vaulting over potholes!
2. The 100 yard ticket dash - in which athletes compete to see how many parking tickets they can plant on the cars of unsuspecting Chicagoans!
3. The 1,000 yard Englewood dash - in which athletes dodge bullets as they race through the streets of one of Chicago's worst neighborhoods!
4. The Cook County Triathlon - in which athletes compete with local residents and businesses to see how fast they can flee the crushing taxes of Cook County!
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